The Start of My 2021 Journey

I’m always posting pictures. I’m always talking about how I like to style and how I like different types of clothes, but recently I haven’t been able to wear a lot of the clothes that I really like because I am overweight. 

This is a subject that I’m nevertheless private about, although I do talk about my workouts, and  I do like to break a sweat, and I also like to do Pilates, but I never really talk about it because I’m really not an expert at this. I just do what I left my house to do; I’ll take walks if I feel like it, I’ll run if I want to. I’m not confined to any one X exercise, but, you know, I feel like it’s important that I stay active, and it makes me feel good, and also because it really regulates my hormones. The sell for me in working out is more about my mental health, and also it is my physical health, so, you know,  my top priorities.  

My Five Resolutions for 2021 

Resolution #1: To really work on getting myself back to my normal weight.

Why? Because sometimes, I’m insecure. Some days I feel pretty confident, some days I have to pick myself up. Sometimes, I have to, you know, get somebody to give me a little bit of a pep talk. Ultimately, I always go back to “I’ve been here before, I lost the weight,” before it’s not something I need to really think about too much or worry too much.  

I did join Noom, which is THE weight loss program, and I said “I’ll try that and see where we go.” So, I’m starting off at 153 pounds and my goal weight is to get down back to 133, which is what I used to be for a long time. If I get to go down a little bit further, that’s great, but I’m not really setting that as a goal for myself just yet. It’s just a really kind of setting myself for a place where I just feel confident and happy, where I can wear my clothes.

Resolution #2. Drink less alcohol. #Drink less be more 

Why? Because one resolution that I have is definitely to stop drinking as much. I’m not gonna invite people as much as I used to. I definitely love to drink, I like to go out for cocktails, and I definitely love to go out to restaurants and enjoy myself. And I do have drinks with my friends, but I feel like it’s affecting my skin, as well as my liver. I am very conscious about how I’m just not processing fast food like I used to. I need to really go back to thinking about how I am not taking care of my body, particularly, as a 45-year-old woman. I really do not take pride in feeling healthy and not feeling lethargic. My mother, the non-drinker of the family, suffers from cirrhosis of the liver having never had a drink in her life. What this reminds me of is that our body can be either damaged or improved. 

Resolution #3: Give my skin the glow it deserves. 

Definitely be making more time for me. This includes visiting my facialist, visiting people who take care of my skin, really taking my vitamins more seriously, eating food that leads to better health.  Just use and do the things that I feel make my skin glow more. I know those things, I do, because I’ve learned all of this in the past, and I just haven’t been doing it because I just, you know, became pretty lazy and I just didn’t want to put the time into it, as it does take time to have a skin regimen, and so for me it’s just definitely getting my creams in order and making sure I have a morning routine and an evening routine and not to leave my skin care to, you know, random people and actually finding professionals that I trust. I have a few dermatologists that I love and that I go to. So, for me it’s always about putting myself back, first in terms of my self-care, you know? As mothers, sometimes, we tend to put ourselves second to everything. We think about our kids first, we think about our husbands first, and, you know, that’s not how it should be. This should definitely be something that we take some serious time out for because honestly, for me, my skin is like my signature. It is something that I feel very strongly about, particularly, when presenting myself in the best way. My skin and my hair, their health is super important. I feel like that goes back to, you know, regulating what I eat, and it goes back to definitely not drinking as much as I do, and also having a better morning and evening routine, and certainly more self-discipline.   

Resolution 4: Reset my Mindset 

This past year I celebrated my 20 year anniversary and I had the most beautiful, ethereal dress in mind to wear that I had not fit into years ago! I should have thought about canceling my party or my photo shoot, but I didn’t because I had a very clear mindset that I’m way more than my body. I’m the love I give to my family, I’m a grown lady who accepts others as they are. Why can’t I accept myself too? 

I’m the mom of two, healthy boys - I’m grateful that my 20 years in marriage brought me to celebrate it with them. 

I’m the dove to the most amazing husband. A man I was lucky to meet when I was 23 and who has grown with me, to love me despite my moods and hormonal bullshit.  

I will not cancel happiness because of my weight. Absolutely not! 

My body is asking me to love it as it is, and it could be better but that won’t keep me from doing the things I want to do.  I’ll take the damn photos, I’ll wear the damn dress and I will walk around naked if I want to! 

Don’t stop living your life just because you’re not at your ideal weight or just because you’re not feeling your very best. That’s like waiting for something to be perfect and see what happens; you don’t have much control over them you can’t control it but a lot of times it just takes a lot of effort a lot of time and you can’t just, you know, forget that you exist just because you know you’re an extra 20 pounds, or you next draw, whatever, you know, 5 pounds whatever. It is for you - that makes you feel that way, but it’s because it’s really about the mindset in confidence comes from within and it’s not something that anybody can teach you; it’s something that you have to exercise like a muscle. 

Resolution 5. Love even deeper

Love myself and my family even more. After 2020, feeling gratitude that we are still in love and together, I want to focus my care and energy on continuing to build on my relationships. Seeing my parents more often, as well, although with COVID I have stayed away. I can’t imagine them gone and not having that time with them while I can do it.  

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